It's that time of year again. High school students are worrying about college. So are their parents.
Having witnessed this process over the years, I have some suggestions to make. Better still, they might be thought of as “commandments” for parents of college-bound students.
1. Thou shalt not make or try to make the decision on which college your child should attend. At eighteen, your children are legally adults, and they should be
able to make this important decision for themselves. If you insist on making it for them, you will probably (both) be unhappy in the long run.
That doesn't mean that you cannot, or should not, provide guidance. Over the years, you undoubtedly have collected information from your friends, your child's high school guidance counselor, and current college students you may know. Keep the lines of communication open, but accept the fact that your daughter or son must make the final decision.
2. Thou shalt not think there is only one school for your daughter or son. With 3,500 colleges and universities across the land, it is clear that there is more than one right choice; and what may be right for one person may very well be wrong for another. Shop around. A college education is a huge (and worthwhile) investment and should be approached like any other
investment very, very carefully.
Happily, there are numerous sources of information. Once you have read through the viewbooks, college catalogs, and guidebooks to get a sense of the educational environment that meets your child's goals, visit the colleges and universities you are considering. A short visit will let you understand the “personality” of each campus, and a visit is the only way your child can see if she or he “fits” in with students. In fact, most colleges are happy to make arrangements for a campus visit, including an overnight stay for your child in a residence hall, visits to classes, and meetings with faculty members.
3. Thou shalt not think that bigger is necessarily better. Large universities offer students far greater course selection and the possibility for in-depth study; small colleges provide one-on-one
teaching by professors (not teaching assistants) in small classes that are rarely closed because of
over subscription, and they encourage involvement by students in activities, such
as research, often reserved for graduate students at larger institutions.
What needs to be assessed, therefore, is whether curricular choices or personal attention is of greater import. And what appeals to one person will not necessarily appeal to, or be right for, another.
4. Thou shalt not make (or encourage your child to make) a decision merely based on a college's reputation. Colleges are not cars or clothes. “Designer labels” may be fashionable, but they have little to do with the quality of education a student receives. Students get out of college what they put into it, as evidenced by the fact that America's leaders often graduate from institutions many Americans never heard of.
The most important thing is to aim for a match between your child and her or his college-and the best way to achieve that match is to know your child. Certainly, you want your child to receive a good education. You also want your child to graduate from college having grown as a person. Quite frankly, a young person who has to struggle mightily to survive academically probably will not take advantage of all the opportunities for growth that a college can offer.
5. Thou shalt not think that a college degree will provide all one needs in life. A degree is important, but there are many college graduates who have never put their degrees to work. Without hard work, a degree will only take up space on a wall.
6. Thou shalt not believe that college should train one for a particular job. The better the college or university, the more it adheres to the principle that education is training for life, not for a particular position. Besides, who can say what jobs will be in existence twenty
years from now? And who can doubt that to be trained for something that may not exist in two decades is anything but foolish.
What do I mean by training for life? In short, the age-old values of the liberally educated individual-learning to think analytically and logically, communicating effectively, and learning to learn.
7. Thou shalt not expect a college to do what you did not. Colleges are not parents, as courts long ago decided; and they should not be expected to provide the upbringing that belongs in the home. Clearly, colleges must bear some responsibility for what occurs on campus; just as clearly, the ultimate responsibility for a student's actions belongs to the student (and that student's parents).
Colleges, however, provide help when it is needed. Most colleges have a network that can help, starting with the resident advisor in your child's residence hall and extending through a variety of trained professionals. Still, the process starts with you and your child.
8. Thou shalt not expect the college automatically to report to you on your child's progress. Colleges are, in most cases, prohibited by law from reporting to you; your daughter or son is not. Ask your child to keep you informed-and expect her or him to do so.
9. Thou shalt not be frightened by “sticker shock.” Although a college education, especially at a private institution, may seem out of reach, financial assistance is often available. Indeed, private colleges often are no more expensive (and sometimes less expensive) than state colleges when financial aid is taken into account. Unfortunately, many parents and students do not explore scholarship options.
The fact is that few families can meet college expenses without some financial help. Today, more than half of all private college students receive some form of financial aid. Failing to ask about financial aid opportunities is shortsighted.
10. Thou shalt not expect education to end at graduation. Too few remember Plato's urging that, if we are lucky, we might be educated by the time we are fifty.